Antolina, what is your writer’s block?
I have no idea,
Yes you do.
What are you afraid of?
Everything.
I am afraid, I am right, I am afraid that I am wrong. I am afraid to waste time. I am afraid to lose time. I am afraid of the present and the future. I am afraid to be, I am afraid to not be. My writer’s block is fear. Fear of mediocrity, fear of losing control so I have none at all. My block is the fear of vulnerability in the stories I have to tell. My fear feels like walking through strong winds in a blizzard when home is a breath away. I can feel the person I want to be on the other side of my insecurities and I am afraid of her , her failures and successes.
When asked what this fellowship means to me, I wrote Grace, Awakened and Courageous.
I struggle with self doubt and confidence. In my performance review it was one of the areas said I need to work on. To work in a safe space like South Bronx United through FLIA was a gift.
It’s through constructive criticism, I find grace and space to grow.
To reflect back on my fellowship, it was what I needed to get through this uncertain and unpredictable year. I was stagnant in determining what I wanted professionally and personally.
I was furloughed from a job that I did not particularly enjoy because of the environment, when they asked for me to come back I thought about it. Had I not experienced South Bronx United, I would have gone back.
Through the weeks of my fellowship my supervisor and I met weekly. She honored my time and collaborated with me on tasks that I needed support in and trusted my judgement and work ethic. This helped me trust myself, my own judgement and move through tasks more confidently.
“To be more confident to me is to be able to ask and want more.”
I could not ask for a better mentor especially during this time.
Everyday I begin with asking myself “ How can I be a little brave today”. Sometimes I stay in my comfort zone, but there are days where I take a moment to move myself out.
To be more confident to me is to be able to ask and want more. My experience has given me the affirmation that I can do and be more.